Thank your Father for bringing you into this world today because your mom probably wasn't even in the mood!

Shit:

Dog shit - Very poor quality

Bullshit -Not true

Horseshit - Nonsence

Ape shit - Rambunctious

Batshit - Insane

Chickenshit - Cowards

Rat shit - Poor quality

No shit - Obviously

Holy shit - Mind blowing/unbelievable

Hot shit - Very good

Dipshit - A total dumbass

Tuff shit - Take it or leave it

Jack shit - Nothing  

The shit - Perfection

Jokes and shit

Isn't it weird how when a cop drives by you feel paranoid instead of protected.

It was only when I bought a motorbike that I found out that adrenaline is brown.

Adams girlfriend, Ruth, fell off the back of his motorcycle. He just rode on. Ruthless.

I love my motorcycle - it's great for getting to the front of queues quicker. It does always terrify the other people in the post office though.

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Q: What do you call a Harley Davidson with no tires?
A: A groundhog.

Q: What do you call a pastor who rides a motorcycle?
A: Rev.

Q: Why couldn’t the motorcycle make it cross country?
A: It was two tired.

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A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage “Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?”
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and said, “So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I make a pretty small salary and you get the really big bucks when you and I are doing basically the same work?”
The cardiologist paused, smiled and said to the mechanic, “Try doing it with the engine running.”

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His & Her Diary

Her Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, ‘Nothing.’ I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can’t explain his behavior I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love you, too.’ When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep – I cried. I don’t know what to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

His Diary:
Motorcycle won’t start…can’t figure out why

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Was out with a buddy and his teenage son the other day and we stopped in Hooters 

His son said look at that one dad she is really beautiful. I would like to date a beautiful girl like that

His dad replied if they are that good looking and single there are a bunch guys out there tired of putting up with all her crap, that’s why she's single and would be willing to date you.

Don’t get caught up in a woman’s looks, because when they all open their legs  it looks like a pretty flower and when you get done they all look like a bulldog eating mayonnaise 

I don’t know what was said after that I was laughing too hard

Wife: Honey I am done in the shower and I shaved down there...you know what that means .
Husband: yes the drain is clogged.